INCOMING

Something for the weekend
I walked past Pizza Hut the other day and they had a poster in the window that featured the most dispiriting offer that I’ve ever seen advertised; an offer that is almost weighed down with an inbuilt sense of loss and disappointment; an offer that curdled my very soul. It was: “Eat as much salad as you want”. Salad? SALAD? Fuck off. Anyway. Here are five frankly fabulous things to do this weekend.

Morden Tower Benefit Gig
This is going to be AMAZING! The line-up consists of brilliant people such as Rhodri Davies, :zoviet*france, Richard Dawson, Jazzfinger and loads more (along with a sprinkling of poets and writers) with all proceeds going towards raising money for Morden Tower. Don’t miss.
Friday January 27, The Bridge Hotel , Castle Garth, Newcastle, 8pm, £7.

The Go Go
How are you fixed for the debut of a brand new club night? The Go Go Club is launching tonight and will be playing all your fave sounds in sixties stuff, RNB, soul, rock & roll and indie.
Saturday January 28, The Cooperage, 32 The Close, Quayside, Newcastle, 11pm-3am, £5/£4.

Deadstock sneaker bonanza
Trainer heads! Get yourself along to this specialist shop for a real deadstock blow-out with a special selection of sneakers on sale for £25 – along with backpacks and headwear. Brands include the likes of Nike, Puma, Vans, Asics, Supra and Gravis and the first 20 customers will also receive a further 10% off their basket value. Best foot forward…
Saturday January 28, Sneaker Lounge , 19 Hoults Yard, Newcastle, 10am-4pm, free.

Francois & The Atlas Mountain
This lot (pictured) have been all over Radio 6 recently and with good reason. François’ playful vocals croon above electronic beats, African rhythms, rich piano chords, shimmering electric guitars and an all-female polyphonic vocal group to create a colourful sound-world. Tonight he’ll be performing his Gallic chamber-pop to tie-in with the release of excellent album ‘E Volo Love’.
Saturday January 28, The Sage Gateshead , 8pm, £10.

Beefy La Slap Trio
Is there a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than listening to some live 50s style rockabilly, west coast swing and blues boppers? No.
Sunday January 29, The Tyne Bar , 1 Maling Street, Byker, 3pm, free.

Right said Fred!
Is Fred MacAulay one of our favourite comedians working today? In a word: yes. One of the most experienced Scottish comics around you’ll have seen him on Have I Got News For You, IQ etc but he’s best in the live arena where he mixes banter with the audience with his wry look at contemporary Britain and beyond. Miss him and miss out.

Fred MacAulay “Legally Bald”, Tuesday January 24, The Stand Comedy Club , High Bridge, Newcastle, 7.30pm, £12/£10.

Hey! Win tickets for the Kerrang! Tour!
The Kerrang! annual tour is always just the job for those of us who are in need of a healthy chunk of mega-watt mayhem to help us on our way. And their February bash looks set to be a real doozy as it’s being headlined by two of the biggest names in pop/punk, namely New Found Glory and Sum 41. (For more info on the tour go to: www.relentlessenergy.com )
WIN: We’ve got two pairs of tickets for this gig and you can nab a couple if you can tell us which country Sum 41 hail from. Send your contact details and answer to  info@thecrackmagazine.com (with “Kerrang! Comp” in the subject line).

Kerrang! Tour, Sunday February 12, O2 Academy , Newcastle, 7pm, £20.

Mini review: Cell 211
Spanish picture Cell 211, out on DVD and Blu-ray this week, was one of last year’s very best thrillers. Alberto Amman is Juan Oliver, a keen and committed newly-employed prison guard. Cash-strapped with his first child on the way Juan is anxious to make a good impression, even going to work one day early so he can be shown the ropes. When touring the prison an accident causes him to be knocked unconscious and, just after his fellow guards lay him down in an empty cell to recover, a massive riot breaks out. When Juan regains consciousness he discovers to his horror that he has been left behind. Quickly losing all accoutrements that would identify him as a non-prisoner, he attempts to pass himself off as a con, even befriending the brutal but charismatic prisoner leader Malmadre (the excellent Tosar) in the process. Director Monzón skilfully ratchets up the tension as Ammann attempts to get word out while struggling to stay one step ahead of the wily Malmadre. Winner of eight Goya awards on its release it’s a nerve-wracking ride with a masterful performance from Tosa. See it now before the inevitable American remake.

Cell 211 has just been released on DVD & Blu-ray.

Interview: Anna Kendrick
She’s previously starred in the likes of ‘Scott Pilgrim vs. the World’ and the Twilight films, but Anna Kendrick’s latest film, the cancer/comedy ‘50/50’, sees her starring as an inexperienced psychologist. David Willoughby chatted with her recently about romantic leads, intimate scenes and other such stuff. Click here for her words to the wise…

Hey! The National Trust are running some AMAZING eBay auctions!
Still stuck for that special Christmas present? The National Trust are holding some fabulous eBay auctions where you can win stuff such as a wedding at Washington Old Hall, candlelit dinner for two at the top of Souter Lighthouse, a Georgian dinner for eight at Seaton Delaval Hall, a chance to look behind the scenes in Armstrong’s former home – Cragside, and MORE! The auction runs from November 22-29.

Seek: nationaltrust.org.uk

Film review: My Week With Marilyn
Based on the memoir ‘The Prince and the Showgirl and Me’ this film is an account of Marilyn Monroe’s visit to Britain in the 50s where she starred in a Lawrence Olivier picture. David Willoughby has been to see it but is it a case of boo-boop-de-DO or boo-boop-de-POO…?
Click here for his seven year bitch…

Film review: Moneyball
The film adaptation of the book which all sporting managers seem to have on their bedside tables these days stars Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill and Philip Seymour Hoffman. David Willoughby pulls his baseball cap to the front and gives it his best shot, but is this a case of STRIKE! AND YOU’RE OUT! or does it get hit out of the park? Click here when all bases are loaded…

Interview: Weekend director & stars
Weekend is all set to become the sleeper movie hit of the year and concerns itself with a one night stand between two gay blokes that becomes something more substantial. David Willoughby caught up with its director, Andrew Haigh, and two stars, Tom Cullen and Chris New, to talk about the filming process, mini chocolate rolls, and “hard sex”…   Click here for the full, sordid truth…

St. James’ Park forever
Robert Meddes is aghast at the renaming of St. James’ Park as The Sport Direct Arena. Click below to share his full aghastness…
Click here for his considered rant…

Film review: Arthur Christmas
Eeeh! Don’t the Christmas films come round early these days…? David Willoughby has been to see the latest animated feature from Aardman, but is this the Christmas gift that keeps on giving or the equivalent of a pair of socks?
Click here for the full review…

American Zoetrope? They’ve got some great films THAT YOU NEED TO HEAR ABOUT!
Celebrated chiefly (and justifiably) for ‘The Godfather’ and ‘Apocalypse Now’, director Francis Ford Coppola also fancied himself as a movie mogul. Click here for more...

Review: Silent Running Blu-Ray
Following his ground breaking work on Stanley Kubrick’s 2001, in 1971, effects wizard Douglas Trumbull, went on to direct his first picture, the sci-fi eco-fable ‘Silent Running’. Click here for more...

Free music from one of our fave bands!
Hey! Local luminaries Moira Stewart are one of our favourite ever local bands and make music that sounds like The Pet Shop Boys being force-fed Jelly Tots (in a nice way). They’re about to unleash – yes, unleash – their last ever single and you can grab it for free by clicking on the link below. Our advice? Click on the link below.

Click HERE for a magic carpet ride…

London Film Festival: Round-up
A bleary eyed David Willoughby has been sifting through what’s on offer at this year’s London Film Festival to sort out the wheat from the naff. Click below to bone up on Weekend, Shame, The Artist, Coriolanus, 50/50, Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975 and Like Crazy.
Click here for a word to the wise…

London Film Festival: 360
Our man in the Smoke, David Willoughby, is busying himself catching as many films as humanly possible at the London Film Festival. Launching the whole caboodle is Fernando “City Of God” Meirelles’ 360. Click here for the full review…

Amazing gigs. Right until Christmas.
Who is Jazzy Lemon? She’s a photographer of rare quality who can often be found snapping pics of the hottest local bands around and a series of gigs “Jazzy Lemon Presents…” is being curated by her good self with the finest acts from the region, with the occasional national headliner thrown in for good measure, doing their stuff. Bands and artists taking part included the likes of Grandfather Birds (pictured), The Matadors, So What Robot, Hattie Murdoch, and loads more. The gigs are all taking place at the newly refurbished Riverside music venue and full details can be gleaned by clicking on their website, below.

Jazzy Lemon Presents, from September 22-December 15 at Riverside , 1 The Close, Quayside, Newcastle.

This new CD is amazing. Utterly so.
The north-east music scene is in a particularly healthy state at the minute as evinced by this brilliant new CD which showcases some of that talent. And as well as big hitters such as The Futureheads, Field Music and Maximo Park’s Paul Smith contributing, there are also tracks from the cream of the up and comers such as Shields (brilliant), Warm Digits (brilliant), Vinyl Jacket (brilliant), Lanterns On The Lake (brilliant) and more (brilliant). What’s more, all proceeds from the release are going to help raise money for the people of East Africa who are currently suffering enormous hardships and are in urgent need of food, water and emergency healthcare.
Click here for all the info you’re going to need…

Meditation, meditation, lunchtime meditation is what you need...
For health and happiness let Little Yogi be your guide to inner something or other. Here's his rather wonderful ten minute lunch-time relaxation Click here >>