‘The Bounds’ is a peat-black comedy that focuses on the Golden Age of English Football (1553), and it’s having its world premiere at Live Theatre this May.

People who grew up watching football in the 1970s reckon that the footballers of today have “gone soft”. They’ve got a point, but the 1970s had nothing on the 16th century. ‘The Bounds’ takes us back to 1553; the Allen Valley Whitsun game to be precise. It’s the big one and set to run for hours. Men will die. Percy and Ro are stuck on the boundaries, as usual, on a pitch that stretches as far as the eye can see. But something’s different this year. The ground is frozen and as hard as Weardale granite (but there’s no chance the ref will call this one off); men in black cloaks lurk with willow branches, and a strange light burns in the sky… Stewart Pringle’s first work to be performed at Live Theatre looks to be a back of the net winner, and more thrilling than anything served up at this year’s UEFA Championship.

The Bounds, 16 May-8 June, Live Theatre, Newcastle, times vary, from £10, live.org.uk