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The Crack Magazine



It’s with a huge amount of anger, angst and despair that, after watching the American primaries, He Who Shall Not Be Named seems to be well on the way to becoming US president again. Too early to call, you say? Yes, you have a fair point, especially as both candidates are far too old to be schlepping around the country for months on the campaign trail (there should be a retirement age for all politicians: still, that’s a debate for another day). It’s never too early to smell the coffee, though. Biden just doesn’t have it. He’s trying to find a spark to deflect attention from his very obvious elderly forgetfulness, trying to appear snappy and on the ball, but all this just confirms to me he’s past it. He Who Shall Not Be Named is well past it too. He’s a plus size, orange blob who can only trot out a number of repellent catch phrases when called to do so, but he definitely has some kind of ‘marginal gain’, TUEy energy that will only be stopped, allegedly, by a drugs test (or a massive heart attack). For some reason he also possesses Reagan’s magic touch that appeals to that very solid section of the country who are proud to Make America Great Again through their racism, homophobia, misogyny and radical Christianity. The trouble with Biden’s lot is that they don’t particularly like him. Sure, the democratic establishment do because he’s a safe, if shaky, pair of old hands. The rest of America’s liberal left are fed up, as they have been with every president since FDR with the depressing understanding that they will always be more radical than anyone who gets into power. Like Spain’s Los Indignados, they understand that those in power “don’t represent them”, but also understand that the country is totally in thrall to big business, the gun lobby and the military. There are just some things that will never change: a democrat president, is, at best, someone who won’t punch down and will try and protect freedoms previously won. Which is where He Who Shall Not Be Named looks more like a radical, suggesting the kind of horrific, “he wouldn’t really”, policies that not only fire up his supporters, but attract people who wouldn’t normally vote. Against this kind of bumptious hatred, it’s easy to look passive especially when you’re elderly and trying to keep things positive and respectful. And maybe this is where the Democratic establishment have tried to subvert the narrative. Understanding you’ve got to get in the gutter with the orange blob and start swinging, which is why Biden appears to have adopted a bit of a snarl. His fiery State of the Union speech a case in point. But can he keep this up until November? I hope so, because I’d rather have any kind of democrat in control of the White House than a destructive Dead Zone Republican. Fingers crossed democracy trumps the orange blob.