Our Crack Little Crack

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  80 Pounds Worth of Explosives

  I hate those ‘Baby Sex Parties’. Do you know the ones I’m talking about? The ones that see an insufferably smug couple gather together a load of mates to tell them whether the...

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  Working On A Novel

  I spent the last lockdown working on a novel, which, I hope, will become the first in a long-running series

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  I had my first Covid vaccination last week

  Needless to say, it didn’t go entirely to plan. When I got there, there was a queue of around 30 to 40 people outside – everyone spaced a good few yards apart

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  Beeple

  Did you read about the piece of artwork that was sold for $69.3 million recently? It was by someone called Beeple and it only exists digitally as an NFT (or non-fungible token...

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  I'm Thinking About Getting A Tattoo

  I’m thinking about getting a tattoo. Let me rephrase that: I’m not ACTUALLY thinking about getting a tattoo.

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  Ted Cruz

  After watching the utter farce of Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial, it is now obvious to me where the Kray Twins went wrong.

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  Street Patrol

  I managed to get through ‘Dry January’ without too much difficulty this year. The only alcohol I permitted myself was when I was cooking.

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  What's Your Favourite Nun Film?

  What is your favourite nun film? ‘Nuns on the Run’, ‘Sister Act’ or that grand Reverend Mother of all nun films, ‘The Sound of Music’.

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  January Is Dismal

  Show me a person who says, “You know what! January is my favourite month!” and I’ll show you a person who needs chasing with an enormous butterfly net

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  Albums Of The Year

  A request has flooded in asking us to nominate our Top Ten Albums of the Year, so, in a flush of seasonal goodwill, here you go:

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  Duggie

  I’ve got a friend called Duggie. (I say “friend”, it would probably be more accurate to call him “one of those people you once got chatting to in a bar but now try to avoid li...

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  Celebrity Deaths

  My girlfriend works for the NHS. (You can stop clapping; she does admin and is about as much at risk as Donald Trump was during the Vietnam War.)

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  Four Seasons Total Landscaping

  The news that Trump’s team mistakenly booked Four Seasons Total Landscaping – an out-of-town garden centre in Philadelphia sandwiched between a crematorium and a shop flogging...

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