Our Crack Tongue & Groove

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  What fresh hell is this?

  Celebrity cruises are now, apparently, a thing. But would you fancy taking to the high seas with a Eurovision singer or an ELO guitarist…?

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  Shifting the centre ground of British politics

  You can only ever win elections from the “centre ground”, commentators and politicians like to tell us. But where is it? And why does it need to be moved?

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  Learn with Come Dine With Me...

  I’ve learned more about human nature from Channel 4’s Come Dine With Me than I have from the collected stories of Henry James. Tuck in.

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  What fresh hell is this?

  On their new menu the JD Wetherspoon’s chain of pubs have replaced their ‘Breakfast Bloomer’ with an obscenity that they are calling the ‘Breakfast Wrap’. I can feel the stiff...

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  What fresh hell is this?

  Someone has sat down and remastered the 1993 film Super Mario Bros for a Blu-ray release. Everyone likes a laugh, but come on! They’re just wasting everyone’s time.

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  Wasting your time with werewolves

  If you go down in the woods today and you find a big surprise, I guarantee it won’t be a sodding werewolf.

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  Kick the bucket

  Hey! Ice Bucket Challenge people! Give it a rest will you.

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  What fresh hell is this?

  Pharrell Williams has collaborated with Comme des Garcons for a new scent called “GIRL”. Idiots apply within.

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  Just give him half a chance...

  ...I bet he’ll rob you if he can. Alex Turner and his fellow Arctic Monkeys: I bet they look good on the tax avoidance scheme.

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  Ronnie! Off the news!

  Remember when The News just reported the news, says Robert Meddes.

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  What fresh hell is this?

  The Real Madrid footballer Cristiano Ronaldo has just stuck his name on a load of underpants. Knickers to that.

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  Tommy rotten?

  Tommy Wiseau’s cult film The Room is back in the spotlight again with the release of a new book The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside the Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made written by...

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  What fresh hell is this?

  The classic BBC sitcom Open All Hours is set to return for a Christmas special. WHY? And, without its star, HOW?

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