Mark Simmons IS a card isn’t he? A very funny man indeed, and he’s in Durham and Newcastle this May.

There are plenty of quick-fire one-line merchants on the comedy circuit at present, but Mark Simmons is undoubtedly one of the finest. He’s also one of the UK’s pre-eminent punners and has clocked up plenty of TV and radio appearances including stints on ‘Mock The Week’ (BBC 2), ‘DIY Pundit’ (BT Sport) and ‘Fred At The Stand’ (BBC R4). He also helms a popular podcast ‘Jokes With Mark Simmons’ where he invites a fellow comic to discuss jokes they’ve written that just haven’t worked, and then see if there’s any way to salvage them. There’s nothing that needs salvaging in his latest show, however, as it’s all gold from beginning to end. DP

Mark Simmons: Thursday 25 May, Gala, Durham, 8pm, £16, galadurham.co.uk; Sunday 28 May, The Stand, Newcastle, 7.30pm, £16, thestand.co.uk