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The Crack Magazine



I start this with a quote from Francis Stuart’s Black List Section H: “What really attracted him were not the doings of patriots but the reports of certain crimes he read in the papers. He delighted in hearing of riots, no matter where, in civil disturbances … anything that diminished or threw doubt on authority.” I laughed when they pulled the statue of Colston down and chucked it in a canal. I laughed when they tried to stop The Grand National. I laughed when people protested at the coronation. And I laughed when power abusing Tory prime ministers resigned and blamed (woke) wizards, witches, and warlocks. Maybe I laugh all the time because I’m sick of Tory culture warriors and associated lickspittles who support them. Maybe I laugh because I’m writing this before the coronation, and I’m feeling a certain contempt for their doings in this shit strewn, xenophobic isle of small minded kleptocrats and thieving Tory enablers obsessed with ‘choice’. Where did the idea that choice, and thus a sort of unfettered freedom in all its ghastly forms come from? Their choice, of course, is the choice to steal or sell as much as they can under the guise of good governance and Tory values. They’re excellent at selling what we own. They’re good at avoiding procurement processes and getting their mates in to feed from the trough. Clearly, they’ve chosen to avoid the cost-of-living crisis. Our choice, however, as prescribed by the powers that be, is one that is clearly defined and limited. We can choose any number of consumer goods and baubles but we cannot choose to strike, and those that can won’t ever win because the government choose not to back wage rises, especially not for teachers or those who work in the NHS. The choices Tories and their crooked establishment enablers agree on is simple: choose consumer goods, choose eating out, choose between a steak bake or cheese and onion bake, choose a mansion sized SUV over public transport, choose private health care rather than the NHS, just keep on choosing climate emergency end-of-times capitalism. A great big con job foisted on the great unwashed of Brexitania who think consumer choice is freedom. I laugh because I think it’s been so easy for our corrupt leaders to pull the wool over our eyes (shielded from the sun with the latest sunglasses - 2 for 1 in your local Specsavers) but then I laugh louder when I think of the people willing to cover the wool with paint, superglue themselves to the wool or even eviscerate the wool. I end as I started with another quote from Francis Stuart’s Black List Section H: “He imagined the ripples of unease that must disturb the complacency, which is what he distrusted most, that stagnated in the minds of many people, especially those held in high esteem in their own closed circles.”