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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

whatfreshresource.jpg What fresh hell is this?

Nestle are releasing a new bottle of water aimed squarely at affluent women (who, presumably, are also bereft of a brain).

A recent cross-party parliamentary commission on banking standards was generally well received (the highlight: “jail bankers”) but one section of the 571-page review jarred somewhat and that was the assertion that trading floors are too male-dominated. The implicit suggestion was not about sexist male/female ratios, but the view that women were less inclined to make that all-or-nothing bet, unlike their macho male counterparts. Such thinking pigeonholes women as “good housekeepers” (or, if you’d prefer, “keep them in the house”) who play nice but are not really built for the cut and thrust of business; and it’s the same kind of thinking that makes Nestle think that it’s a good idea to release “Resource”. This bottle of water, according to a Nestle executive, is being aimed at: “Woman who are a little more on the trendy side and higher-income side, and the bull’s-eye is 35-years-old”. I think it’s possible to plot a graph that shows a rise in everything that is wrong with the world with the rise in the sales of bottled water (an inherently ridiculous product), but by marketing water directly at affluent women as a lifestyle accessory, this nonsense has been pushed to absurd new heights. The ads for “Resource” claim that it includes “100% naturally occurring electrolytes” which sounds, like, SO amazing, but actually translates as: “Water for complete arseholes”. (Stop press: Water which tastes exactly like “Resource” now available - direct from a tap near you – NOW!)