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Our Crack Little Crack
I'm Thinking About Getting A Tattoo
I’m thinking about getting a tattoo. Let me rephrase that: I’m not
ACTUALLY thinking about getting a tattoo. And the reason I’m not
ACTUALLY thinking about getting a tattoo is the same reason that I don’t
pull on the same hat each morning. I like the hat, but I don’t want it
to every single day of my life. However! I do fancy some kind of change
this year; something that screams “Brand New Me!”; something that will
alter how people see me in general. (And – let’s face it – something
that doesn’t involve sharp needles puncturing my skin and defacing me
forever.) In short: I’m changing my name. It’s true! I actually think
it’s strange that more people don’t. Imagine if you introduced yourself
to someone as Brad Bullhorn. They'd think you were an American!
(Sidebar: I wonder why Americans don’t have proper names. Chip! Mitt!
Rip! They’re not names - they’re sound-effects in the Beano.) But
think about it: if you change your name, you change your whole vibe. Me?
I’ve always wanted people to think that I was some kind of cool drummer
from an esoteric three-piece jazz combo. To that end, I have requested
that my friends now start calling me by my new name. That’s Chilly
Pigeons, to you.