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Our Crack Little Crack

touchface.jpg Face Touching

I pulled a nose hair out last week and was horrified to discover that it was nearly an inch long AND completely white. Gross! Luckily it wasn’t my nose or my nose hair. Here’s the rub: since the coronavirus landed at our shores, the government have advised us not to touch our faces. Crucially, they’ve said nothing about touching other people’s. Fingering other people’s features has long been one of my little pleasures in life (I have so few). I once even pretended to be blind at a party, just so I could ask strangers if I could run my fingertips over their fizzogs. But getting back to the coronavirus: what’s the deal with those plastic tongs you get in supermarkets? You know, the ones you’re supposed to use to place freshly baked goods into bags? They must be riddled with germs. I bought a croissant in Tesco this morning (I know, get me) and didn’t want to touch the tongs OR use my fingers (I’d just used a cashpoint, which was no doubt festooned in germs). So, I grabbed a croissant from the shelf with my mouth and then took it to the till like a hunting dog. When I placed it in front of the cashier I almost expected a pat on the head or a “good boy!” No such thing was forthcoming. Even in the face of a pandemic, some people need to learn how to smile.