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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

spaceforce.jpg What fresh hell is this?

When President Trump unveiled something called ‘Space Force’ recently I thought that he was abandoning politics to move into the lucrative Saturday morning cartoons market. If only.

When Donald Trump got elected US President, a friend said to me: “How long before he does something really stupid, like declares war on the moon.” Well, it’s taken him nearly a full term, but that particular doomsday clock ticked even closer to midnight recently when he signed ‘Space Force’ into law. “It’s going to be really important that we get this right,’ said Jay Raymond, Air Force General and now also head honcho at Space Force. “A uniform, a patch, a song - it gets to the culture of a service.” Ah, yes. When it comes to blowing shit up, it’s imperative that you get the culture right. But their one small step for man hasn’t produced any giant leaps as of yet. Let’s take those all important uniforms. They come with a camouflage design as standard, which you may think all well and good, but those camouflage colours are greens, browns and khakis. Great if you want to hide up a tree, not so good in space. Wear one of these babies in the outer reaches of the Milky Way and you’d stand out like a person of colour at a Trump rally. And then there is their patch, which boldly goes exactly where Star Trek has been before. It’s so similar to the Star Trek logo that George Takei, who played Mr Sulu in the original series, has been demanding royalties. New York Representative, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, has already questioned the cost of the entire scheme: “The folks writing checks for a new Space Force are the same ones asking: how are you going to pay for public college or health care.” She has a point, but no doubt Trump will overcome such fripperies by telling everyone that he is going to build the biggest, most beautiful Space Force the world has ever seen. And the Klingons are going to pay for it.