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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

lemur19.jpg What fresh hell is this?

A hotel in Cumbria is offering guests the chance to try their hand at ‘Lemoga’, which is yoga with lemurs. I prefer to call it ‘Gimoga’, which is yoga with gimmicks.

If you go to Google Image Search and type in “Kate Beckinsale bum goat” you’ll find pictures of the actor on all fours with her backside raised high in the air. Perched atop said backside is a goat. A real one. (I stumbled on these images entirely by accident after mistyping.) Further investigation led me to a phenomenon that briefed flared in 2016: goat yoga. It was a trend that started in Oregon in the US and soon taken up by level-headed types who definitely know what they’re doing and won’t just do any old shit because it’ll get them talked about – like the Kardashians. But, strangely enough, the craze only took off among those people who live their lives almost entirely on Instagram. And now we have yoga with lemurs. But look at this little fella’s face (above). Do you think he looks like the kind of creature who would enjoy doing the downward dog with you? And besides, I thought yoga was supposed to be about mindfulness, relaxation and concentration. If the only thing between me and a wild animal was a scrap of gaudy Lycra, then I would feel anything but blissed. I’ll pass on this one, but if someone finally realises my dream of chicken and chinchilla ten-pen bowling, then I’ll be right at the front of the queue.