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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

bearjump.jpg What fresh hell is this?

Among Ralph Lauren’s autumn/winter ‘Purple Label’ collection is this fleecy sweatshirt, which has a picture of a teddy bear on it. If you fancy one, you’ll not get much change out of £600.

Take a look at this man’s face and then look at what he’s wearing. Look at his luxuriant, swept back hair, sculptured jawline and tidy beard, and then look at what he’s wearing. Look at his face, and then look at the bear. Take another look at his face and then another look at the bear. The face, the bear, the face, the bear, the face, the bear. Face. Bear. It’s just not happening is it? Even that man – THAT MAN! – doesn’t look good wearing, for what all intents and purposes is, a child’s jumper. (HE doesn’t look good with it on; imagine what YOU would look like in it.) Just look at it! (Again!) It’s a frigging teddy bear! And the fact that the bear is wearing a trench coat does not make it cooler, or somehow all right. The press blurb states: “Complete with leather shoes and an Italian-sourced flannel jacket, the world’s best-dressed bear sports a standout look”. Hmm… The bear may sport a “standout look”, but anyone aged eight and over wearing a top with a sodding teddy bear on it should expect, and frankly deserve, opprobrium to rain down on them the like of which they’ve never experienced before. You may grin, but don’t please don’t bear it.