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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

whatfreshhellisthis0513.jpg What fresh hell is this?

Uganda are considering enshrining in law what women can, and cannot, wear in public and are specifically targeting areas of ‘erotic function’. Oh my.

Apparently it’s that Beelzebub-in-cotton form, the miniskirt, that is to blame. Simon Lokodo, Uganda’s ethics and integrity minister (which sounds like a made-up post from ‘The Thick Of It’, but isn’t) recently spouted: “Any attire which exposes intimate parts of the human body, especially areas that are of erotic function, are outlawed. Anything above the knee is outlawed. If a woman wears a miniskirt, we will arrest her.” Sounds like a really well thought-through plan, but what about people such as myself who have a Jane Austen thing going on and would definitely place the ankle above the thigh as their favourite area of ‘erotic function’? (I also think that Easter bonnets are saucier than miniskirts, but presumably their usage would be positively encouraged.) Lokodo goes on to tell us that Beyoncé and Madonna will be banned from TV: “Television should not broadcast a sexy person”. Again, an eminently sensible position, but who decides on who is sexy? I’d say NO to Beyoncé and Madonna, but YES to Look North’s Carol Malia, a woman not particularly known for her scanty attire (she usually looks like she’s going straight from the studio to a works do Christmas party circa 1995). Every time I see Malia enduring some forced banter with the weatherman, she fills me with the kind of unnatural thoughts I imagine Lokodo is trying to suppress. In other news: Men in Uganda can wear what they like. RM