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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

mcvitiesthins.jpg What fresh hell is this?

McVities are trying to arrest the general slide in biscuit sales by launching Digestive Thins, which are kind of like their regular digestives, but, hey, much worse.

Chocolate has become something of a consumer battleground over the last few years. Who can forget the uproar (ie some people sent out some tweets) in 2015 when it was revealed that Cadbury’s Creme Eggs – whose yolks were now under the yoke of US giant Kraft - would no longer be made from Cadbury Dairy Milk but some kind of “standard cocoa mix” (ie the powdered vomit that Americans call chocolate).

And we’ve all had to put up with a certain amount of shrinkage too, with Toblerone’s now having less peaks than The Netherlands, and tubs of Celebrations seemingly getting smaller year on year (and mysteriously now having a ratio of worst item (Mars) to best item (Maltesers) of about 10:1).

As a rule companies don’t usually brag about their incredible shrinking plan, but for their latest wheeze McVities are positively out and proud with their Thins range, the clue being in the name. I suppose they’re trying to hoover up all of those people who think that just because they’re eating something with the word “Thin” in its name means that they’re on some kind of hardcore diet; but come on!

The humble digestive should never have to stoop down to the level of the calorie counting mob. A biscuit is a biscuit is a biscuit and I’ve never in my life eaten one and thought: “Do you know what, this could really do with being a bit smaller.”