Our Crack Tongue & Groove
What fresh hell is this?
I’ve never been a one for festivals as I don’t particularly like live music and I don’t particularly like pooing into a bag (or whatever passes for a toilet at these sort of shindigs). But they seem more popular than ever and we get a never-ending stream of press releases sent to us regarding ‘Festival Essentials That You Just Can’t Do Without’. These usually consist of new kinds of shampoos, wet-wipes and eye-masks etc, but some of this assorted muck and tat is really taking the biscuit: Sneaker Shoe Covers, for instance.
They say: “The trouble with trudging through the muddy mess of a festival is wrecking those cool Converse and stylish shoes. So why not rock the look with Sneaker Shoe Covers to bag over your boots. Simply slide over your shoes and tie to your ankle.” They’re basically carrier bags whose “dirt and water repellent material is ideal for keeping shoes spotless” (ie they’re plastic carrier bags). They also say: “This amazing invention is even great for bagging up those wellies at the end of the weekend.” Hang on! If you’ve got wellies with you then why on earth would you be traipsing around wearing these monstrosities?
The only person I know who wears plastic bags on his feet is called Duggie and he fills up his days by trying, and failing, to gain entry into my local Wetherspoon’s. He’s insane.