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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

farage16.jpg Revenge of the racist toby jug

With political parties in turmoil, the threat of another recession on the horizon, and racist attacks on the rise, one man, at least, can sit back and survey the wreckage with a keen sense of mission accomplished.

I just can’t get that stupid bus out of my head. You know the one: the one that ferried Boris Johnson and Michael Gove around England on their Leave campaign tour; the one emblazoned with the biggest lie outside of internet ads that claim “There are sexy singles in your area!”

“We send the EU £350 million a week. Let’s fund our NHS instead” it trumpeted incorrectly, seemingly not subject to the same laws that say you can’t advertise Curly Wurlies with the claim that they will make you taller. And that sodding bus was pushing its mendacious twaddle in our faces on the news every night of the week. I grew to hate it, but such hatred is serving me ill because, and I think Nietzsche put it best, if you gaze into a bus, a bus stares back at you.

Of course, I can’t blame a bus entirely for the Leave vote. Sure, Boris Johnson dominated the news agenda, but the instigator in chief was Nigel Farage, a man, lest we forget, who is lucky to be alive.

Six years ago, during the 2010 General Election campaign, he was in a plane trailing the message “To be out of the EU – Vote UKIP” when it nosedived into a field and he had to be pulled semi-conscious from the wreckage. It somehow seemed emblematic of his party with even David Cameron dismissing it as being populated with “fruitcakes and loonies.”

But as the Tories cranked up their austerity polices, and living standards took a plunge, Farage kept up his barroom barrage of Blame The Immigrants. He battered away at the subject, blithely ignoring every official set of figures that stated that immigrants had actually contributed to growth in our GDP to the tune of billions.

And he started to gain some traction, certainly enough to spook David Cameron who, frightened of haemorrhaging votes to UKIP, panicked and made the gravest error of his premiership: committing the country to an in/out referendum that eventually led to our withdrawal from the EU.

It’s said that all political careers end in failure, but Nigel Farage can claim to have got precisely what he wanted out of his and altered the course of the nation – for the worse. How different history might have been if he’d died in that plane crash back in 2010. Of course, I would never wish death upon anyone in a plane crash, but I really wish he had of died in that plane crash. Offensive? Certainly, but I’m just trying to see if it was possible to say something as hateful as his assertion that foreigners are an amorphous blob who are coming to the UK to rob and rape us. But, on balance, I don’t think anyone can top that remark for poisoning the public discourse. He’s won again.