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Our Crack Tongue & Groove
What fresh hell is this?
A girlfriend of mine once coyly asked me if I’d like to see her
secret stash of toys and, being something of a strategist when it comes
to the finer points of Ker-Plunk, I readily agreed. Needless to say
however, her “toys” bore little relation to Hungry Hippos et al.
(Although, curiously, she did own something called ‘Buckaroo’, but I
certainly wouldn’t want to see it anywhere near an 8-year-old’s birthday
party.) She was, of course, talking about “sex toys” but the words
“sex” and “toy” shouldn’t even be in the same house, never mind in the
same bed, right next to each other. It’s just creepy. And the news that
another of these so-called “sex toys” has just been released by Big
Teaze has had me reaching for my so-called “vomit bucket”. The press
release describes it as a “new kind of home entertainment system for
men” going on to state that it lets owners: “Customize their experience
every time they use it with variable pressure, textures, temperature and
techniques with an easy clean up”. It’s called, with an almost poignant
amount of finesse, VërSpanken, and, apparently, is also “great for
couple play”. I’ll stick with Jenga if you don’t mind. More fun and a
lot easier to clear up after you’ve finished. RM
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