This year I made a resolution not to make any resolutions then realised I’d broken my resolution immediately. So then I thought, what the hell, I’ll make some Quiver resolutions and see how I get on.
Number 2: I am going to stop renting dodgy lesbian DVDs in the hope of seeing something even vaguely interesting.
Number 3: Basically, I should give up on ever finding a decent lesbian movie that doesn’t involve flower shops, ridiculous chases around Californian cityscapes or exotic Mediterranean locations, wafty lace curtains, or jealous hetty women who won’t leave their husbands for their slightly – but not too butch, girlfriend.
Number 4: Can I go all year without using any labels at all? If I can’t utter the words – bi, queer, gay, lesbian - how will I write this column?
Number 6: I suppose I need to give peace a chance and try to believe that war is over (though sadly it’s not).
Number 7: Try to convince a friend of mine that John Lennon was not a complete twat. (Don’t shoot the messenger, I don’t agree at all – John & George are my favourite Beatles - and would like my mate to think differently).
Number 8: Have all garden centres closed down.
Number 9: Stop looking at OK magazine in the Co-op and have the bottle to buy it if I am going to “look at the pictures”.
Number 10: Try to be a better person (maybe the garden centres should stay?) Number 11: Have a go at all my resolutions but still blame the Tories for everything, because - let’s face it - we all know they’re to blame. Number 12: Well, I’ll leave a blank here for a resolution of your own. Choose wisely because you’ll be living with it for anywhere between a day and a year.