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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

breakfastwrap.jpg What fresh hell is this?

On their new menu the JD Wetherspoon’s chain of pubs have replaced their ‘Breakfast Bloomer’ with an obscenity that they are calling the ‘Breakfast Wrap’. I can feel the stiffest of letters coming on...

You’d think that the difference between a Breakfast Bloomer and a Breakfast Wrap would be minimal, but, in reality, they are chalk and cheese (which, unnervingly, is what the Breakfast Wrap tastes of). Binning the maxim: if it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it, JD Wetherspoon have inexplicably turned a gets-the-job-done sandwich – featuring sausage, bacon and fried egg between two slices of bread - into some kind of mutant hybrid of a meal, presumably dreamt up by Doctor Moreau (pictured - last seen splicing animals together in the HG Wells novel The Island of Doctor Moreau). Because what they’ve done with the Breakfast Wrap is to take the same basic ingredients listed above – your sausage, your bacon and your fried egg – added a hash brown and some cheese to it, mushed it all together until it resembles something you might find on a toddler’s bib, and then shoved it all inside a wretched wrap. And yes, your eyes are not dreaming, I did say that they’ve added cheese to it. CHEESE! There is NO place for cheese on a British Breakfast table. (What kind of monster puts cheese with sausage?) There is a vegetarian option available (which, presumably, explores the hitherto unexplored delights of eggy cheese in more depth) but surely nobody can be happy with this abomination. Breakfast Wrap? Breakfast warped, more like.