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Our Crack Tongue & Groove

flashwear.jpg What fresh hell is this?

The “world’s first wearable flashing neon sign!” trumpets a press release that has just plopped into our inbox. And the attraction is…?

There are certain items that should never be worn: baseball caps (unless you’re an American - and a baseball player); someone else’s skin (unless you’re a particularly high maintenance serial killer); and Reebok trainers (no exceptions). And I think it’s safe to say that flashing neon signs can now also be added to the list. They’re the work of Flashwear.com who “take numerous lighting technologies and apply them to fashion”. After seeing their t-shirts in action, I can only say that if anyone ever buys me one then I’m going to take numerous pyrotechnic technologies and apply them to said t-shirt. WHO, OVER THE AGE OF NINE, WANTS TO WEAR A TOP THAT FLASHES ON AND FRIGGING OFF? Their range includes a whole load of shirts that have built in graphic equalizers, as well as the latest items “Flat Neon” which, apparently, use a phosphor print process which quietly flickers and animates like a classic neon sign from the 1950s (and say things like “OMG” and “GEEK”). Enough! I can just about get away with flasher macs but this clobber needs its plug pulled, pronto.