Our Crack Tongue & Groove
What fresh hell is this?
Whenever I hear the words “wearable tech” I reach for my revolver, but in the case of Google Glass I’m putting the entire UK armed forces on standby. These rubbishy bits of plastic – which look like props from Star Trek: The Specsavers Generation – are threatening to turn us all into computer nodes, forever suckling at the teat of the Internet and unable to interact with the actual world around us without the comfort of a pull-down menu. It’s bad enough that people are pawing at their smartphones ad nauseam, without having their actual eyes plugged into the net, too. The makers like to promote the fact that wearers will be able to use them to navigate around strange towns, read foreign menus, or carry out their own gall bladder operations, but we suspect that the most popular apps will be those that turn these daft goggles into X-ray machines, letting users see what their work colleagues look like naked. A billion quid spent on research and development and for what? The chance to clock some virtual todgers. Great. They’d have been better off spending all that money on turning those remote control trousers off Wallace & Gromit into reality. No, the only piece of wearable tech that any sane person should strap to their bodies is what Queen Elizabeth I first sported right back in the 16th century. A wristwatch.